My Struggle with Postpartum Depression…yes, black women struggle with it as well

Recently, model, TV show personality and wife to John Legend, Chrissy Teigen revealed that she suffered from Postpartum Depression. After reading her story in Glamour magazine, I felt compelled to share my struggle with the disease.  According to the Center for Disease Control, 1 in 8 women suffer from this, although this number was shocking, I was not surprised. Rewind to 8 years ago, when I brought my sweet baby-girl Reese home from the hospital, I was excited to be a mom, but there was also a sadness, I could not explain. My husband had taken off some time from work to be with Reese and I, I enjoyed this time while he was at home with us.

However, once my husband went back to work, the sadness, and anxiety set in. I had no energy to do anything but take care of Reese, (in hindsight, I’m blessed for this) I planted myself on the couch and would just watch her sleep. I would  just sit there and think about, how much my life had changed, will I be a good mother, the responsibility of taking care of another person, will I ever be attractive again,  with all these thoughts, the anxiety was suffocating to say the least. I vividly remember a situation where I lost it, sadly in front of company. I fed Reese before people arrived, so she would be nice and full for visits. Well, that didn’t do the trick like I thought, she was crying uncontrollably and I  had no idea what could have been wrong (new mom shit) of course, my mother-in-law gave her a bottle (BAM…that was what she wanted). By this time I felt like everything was closing in as we had, had visitors all day.  Of course by this time, other friends had come over and I was done and basically had a melt down in front of everyone. For days, I felt horrible about this and had no idea what was going on with me. The sadness and anxiety lasted for about 2-3 months, until I was sitting in our tiny apartment with the blinds closed all dark and gloomy.  In that moment I made the decision  to tackle my issue, I got off the couch opened the blinds put on music that reminded me of when my husband and I first started dating, (when I felt attractive) and started to take my life back. I cooked dinner, cleaned our apartment, took a shower and tried to start getting back into the swing of things.  I was still unaware, that I might be struggling with postpartum depression and looking back,  it was also hard to admit that was my issue, because I had always thought that only happens when you are really crazy like Susan Smith, the crazy lady who drowned her own children and blamed it on someone else. Sadly, I think this is the feeling of a lot of women….”this could never be me”. However, I have come to realize that recognizing your issue is half the battle.

 Forward 8 years… with my second child, I knew immediately what I was going through, and was more open about it this time around. Looking back, I think being honest and truthful with what I was going through helped me deal with it a little more gracefully this time around. After my son was born, I was able to recognize the feelings and allowed myself to go through it and not judge myself this time around. The fact that, I was able to say, ” I have postpartum depression” made it much easier to deal with. My struggle this time around was not as dark and daunting as last time. I had some sad and anxiety ridden moments,  but I was able to work through those because, this was familiar to me and I knew I had to be there for two children this time around instead of one. My advice for anyone dealing with Postpartum depression, be honest with yourself, ask for help and seek help. You are not crazy, there is nothing wrong with you, becoming a mom for the first time is honestly probably the most overwhelming thing you will do and you will need help at some point, and that is okay.