For as long as I can remember, I have had this love/hate relationship with my body. When I was in middle school the struggle was,  itching to go through puberty and fill out, as I was a skinny Minnie for a few years. Once I started filling out a little, needless to say, I was pleased. Once I got to high school,  I actually embraced my petite, thick frame and so did the fellas and if I’m being honest, it helped that the opposite sex found me appealing as well. As much as we women try to not allow men’s opinions of how we look interfere, it does. I think that is human nature to want to be found attractive by other people especially the opposite sex. However, the older I get it has become more clear to me that what should really matter, especially for us women, is the importance of us having a healthy relationship with our bodies. Unfortunately, this is not an easy task, at least not for most of us. More power to you women who are content with your body and do not give a damn. My goal is to be like you….someday.

Sadly, societies unrealistic and fake ideals of how we women should look, do not help this task become any easier. It seems like for us women no matter what we do, someone will always have something to say about how we look: too skinny, too fat, too tall, too short, and the list goes on.  When we start to embrace our beauty and who we are, I believe we become more empowered. Trying to live up to these unrealistic ideals of what someone else thinks we should look like,  is a waste of time and energy we could use elsewhere.  I recently, read an article about the actress Gabby Sidibe and she talks about being ridiculed for loosing too much weight. Really? She looses weight and she looses too much, but she was also too fat…..see what I’m getting at? We can’t fucking win.  It has been stories like these along with others that have made me take a step back and reevaluate the relationship I have with my body.

As I have grown older, birthing two beautiful babies and three major abdominal surgeries and sometimes not the best choices of food (life is too short..eat the cake or have the glass of wine, in moderation) my body is certainly not what it used to be. I struggle everyday to make the right food choices and make sure I get some type of exercise, that is why, I decided to join Weight Watchers, I wanted to change my eating and be more mindful of what and how much goes in my body. What I like about this program, is that I’m not starving myself….if you have seen me hungry that shit is not good for anybody, so mamas gotta eat.  By doing this program and adding an exercise regime (thanks to my life coach) to my schedule I’m slowly starting to have a better relationship with my body. In the more recent years I have struggled with self acceptance. Funny enough, I think I have struggled more with this now, than when I was in middle and high school. It seemed back then, I didn’t have the self-doubt that I have now.

 As of recent I put too much energy in trying to live up to a standard that was not meant  for me.  I became too wrapped up in wanting to look like someone else or wishing that my body was different.  We were all created different for a reason, how boring would it be if all looked the same and strived to look like the next girl. Booorring. Trust me ladies, I know it is hard to not get caught up in the beauty and weight rat race, but it is much better for our mental state to just be as healthy as we can and embrace what God gave us, there is a reason he made us all different shapes, sizes, and shades and we are ALL BEAUTIFUL.

Model Ashley Graham and actress Dacha Polanco (who plays; Dayanara Diaz on Orange is the New Black) have been true inspirations for me starting embrace my changed body and they way I view my beauty.  Deciding to follow these two women on Instagram has been one of the best things I could have done to boost my confidence.  Ashley Graham, #slays all the time. Her confidence, style and presence have showed me that we can all be beautiful and not be a size 2. Dacha always posts these beautiful photos of her embracing who she is, I find this kind of confidence a breath of fresh air and contagious.