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My First Time At A Speakeasy

My first time experiencing Williams & Graham a speakeasy,  was just short of mind blowing (honestly). I had no idea what I was getting myself into as I walk in place that looks similar to a small bookstore. My husband and I were asked what name we go by, along with our photo ID’s. Once we were ready to go in, the hostess, pushes the top corner of the book shelf and we were lead into a quaint, dimly lit (almost dark) cozy space, where people are engaging in conversations, enjoying craft cocktails being made by some pretty handsome and good at their job bartenders. Needless to say,  I immediately fell in love with the vibe and energy of this place. They make wonderful, palette teasing cocktails, that are smooth going down and unique in taste. I appreciated that we were called by the name we gave the hostess the whole time we were there, this made it feel even more personable and intimate. I will spare you, me going on and on about this place. However,  if you are looking for a great date night, girl’s night or just want to try something new, I highly recommend Williams & Graham.

The Power of Vision Boards

About a year ago, my life coach asked me if I had ever made a vision board.  At the time, I had only heard of them along with the benefit of putting your goals, dreams and vision out there into the universe. Albeit I’m a firm believer in divine timing and the power of God, the universe and the moon and stars aligning. However,  I did not put much stock into creating a vision board. Hearing this again from my life coach, I knew, I had to sit down and make this happen. Little did I know that this small piece of creativity and honesty, would begin my journey to something much greater and essentially be a subconscious guide to help me accomplish a goal that I have had since graduating grad school in 2014.

Rewind to about a year and half ago,  I was struggling with my work situation at the time. There were things I enjoyed but sadly, more that I disliked. I was torn with what my next move should be, as I knew, my talents, skills and brain were being under utilized where I was. However, being hired again 7 years ago with an organization I had worked with off and on since I was 15 years old, posed a serious internal struggle for quite sometime. I began to see a life coach to help me navigate my work situation, it got to a point where I was gravely dispirited.  Communicating with her and witnessing other situations (at work) that presented themselves in ways that were blasphemous, it became clear that I had to make a move for myself, my family and my overall well being.  So, I began networking,  and took advantage of opportunities I knew would benefit me in the long run.

I meet with a fellow colleague, and I expressed that, my ultimate goal was to combine my undergraduate degree in Criminal Justice and my Master’s in library science degree. It was during this conversation, I learned about the National Institute of Corrections.  My colleague stated that she had a friend who worked there as a contractor,  and loved her job. She offered to introduce us over e-mail, after speaking with my new connection, I was intrigued by the organization,  I set-up an information interview (since I was unable to volunteer). During the interview I was able to ask questions, learn about what they do, get a feel for the work environment and what it means to be a contractor with the government. In that moment, I imagined myself working at this library. However, they had just hired someone, so I knew I had to be patient and hope that a position would come open. In the meantime, I pursued other learning opportunities, tried to remain as positive as I could in a negative situation and hoping that my vision I had for myself would eventually manifest into something significant.

Fast-forward, to a year later. I’m sitting at my desk contemplating applying for a position that would be a demotion, just to remove myself from an unhealthy environment. When I look back, I’m perplexed that I would even consider taking a step backward (always forward). But I believe when your back is against the wall,  you will consider crazy options. Right in that moment,  I received a message over LinkedIn from the Program Manager at the National Institute of Corrections.  Truth, my heart skipped beat,  he stated, that an Information Specialist would be opening up soon and he would send me the link once the job posted. I applied before the week ended and received a call from him the day after I had applied to set-up an interview, for that following Tuesday.  Walking into the interview, I felt anxiety and a sense of calm. The fact that I had met with most of the staff previously, allowed me to be fierce, but humble. Needless to say, I was offered the job that Thursday and excepted the offer within a couple of hours.

In the end, it all finally made sense that I had been placing the puzzle pieces where they needed to go, to accomplish this goal I had set for myself. I believe that this manifestation all started with creating a vision board, and putting out into the universe what I wanted for myself. Looking at my vision board now, what I wanted came full circle.  Putting your goals out there is a powerful thing and you just never know what the outcome will be.  As we start a New Year, I recommend putting your goals and dreams out into the universe and see what happens. With that said,  putting it out there is only the first step, you must have, ambition, believe in yourself and be willing to take risks that others will shy away from.

*Below I have added some photos of my current work situation and a photo of my vision board. My apologies for the poor quality, but I deleted the original.*

The vision board that started it all! (Sorry for the poor quality)
My office @ NIC

Happy New Year: Bring on 2018

As 2017 comes to a close, I want to share and talk a little bit about an article I read, titled ” 8 Things to Leave Behind in 2017 (So You Can Have the Best 2018 Ever)  Of course this article laid out things that seem presumptuous in creating more peace for ourselves,  but for some reason having them broken down simply, struck a cord with me. Before reading this article, all eight of these things discused, had already made my to-do list for the New Year.  However, the one thing that spoke to me the most was…stop comparing ourselves to other people on social media. I think as humans, it is natural to compare ourselves to others on social media and this has to stop!  One thing I have learned, is that, we never see or hear the back story of a post or know the true situation. I think in order for the comparing to stop, we must take our time away from swimming in the social media pool.  In 2018, this is just one of the many things I’m choosing to do less, as I think taking a step back from social media and not comparing yourself to others is good food for the soul.  I believe it allows more time and energy for self-reflection, time with loved ones and to simply Let it Be.

In addition, I came across an article, that spoke about the specific zodiac signs (yes, I’m a hippie and believe in zodiac signs) and what we should be focusing on in the New Year. The article stated that for a person who is an Aries, we should start focusing on the relationships in our lives that have deep meaning and less time on the ones that are surface. Again, this struck me as something I need to pay attention to. In the past, I have focused on relationships that I have not always served me well. I have sought for friendships that I felt like I needed or wanted for various reasons. However, I have been in situations this past year, that have made me realize, (Aha moments) I may not fit into every situation or make friends with everyone and, it is OKAY, the world will not come to end if I don’t always vibe with someone. With that said, I have made it a goal in 2018 to focus on those relationships in the New Year, that truly breathe life into me and vice versa. I believe that it is our responsibilty as human beings to live our best life, love deeply, do what makes our souls feel joyous and live without regret! My goal is to make 2018, one of the best years yet, as I truly want to breathe life into myself, spiritually, physically, mentally, and put more energy into my career path and family. In doing this, I have realized that the burdens that took over my mind in 2017 no longer have a place to rest, I’m washing them away to begin anew.

If you have get a moment, please check out the articles I have linked above and let me know if these ideals and thoughts hit home with you, or even share some of your goals and what you want to be different in 2018, that you may have struggled with in 2017.

“Year’s end is neither an end nor a beginning but a going on, with all the wisdom that experience can instill in us. Cheers to a new year and another chance for us to get it right” – Oprah Winfrey

Happy New Year!!!

P.S. Take advantage of the first supermoon of 2018 🙂

Review: We’re Going to Need More Wine: Stories

We're Going to Need More Wine: Stories We’re Going to Need More Wine: Stories by Gabrielle Union
My rating: 5 of 5 stars

Gabrielle Union is one of my favorite actresses and I thoroughly enjoyed listening to her biography. Her candid, honest, compelling and sometimes snarky memoir grabbed my attention instantly. Gabrielle openly talks about her struggles with being an African American actress, her horrific sexual assault, going to private lavish parties thrown by the iconic Prince, how she and her husband (Dwayne Wade) met, growing up in a predominately white community and loosing one of childhood friends to breast cancer. There was nothing off limits, being an African American women who went to a predominately white private school, early on in life, there were many stories of Union’s that I could relate to. Every topic discussed in this memoir was relatable in some way, but what really stuck out for me, was her constant struggle with needing to be accepted by others. I too have struggled with this, and like Gabrielle Union discovered, it is truly living your life for you and the people that truly matter. With that said, I highly recommend this book.

P.S. If you are able to listen…do so, you will not regret it!

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Love YOU

“I am imperfect and yet my imperfections, like any great work of art, are what makes me a masterpiece”. -Kelsey Silver

For as long as I can remember, I have had this love/hate relationship with my body. When I was in middle school the struggle was,  itching to go through puberty and fill out, as I was a skinny Minnie for a few years. Once I started filling out a little, needless to say, I was pleased. Once I got to high school,  I actually embraced my petite, thick frame and so did the fellas and if I’m being honest, it helped that the opposite sex found me appealing as well. As much as we women try to not allow men’s opinions of how we look interfere, it does. I think that is human nature to want to be found attractive by other people especially the opposite sex. However, the older I get it has become more clear to me that what should really matter, especially for us women, is the importance of us having a healthy relationship with our bodies. Unfortunately, this is not an easy task, at least not for most of us. More power to you women who are content with your body and do not give a damn. My goal is to be like you….someday.

Sadly, societies unrealistic and fake ideals of how we women should look, do not help this task become any easier. It seems like for us women no matter what we do, someone will always have something to say about how we look: too skinny, too fat, too tall, too short, and the list goes on.  When we start to embrace our beauty and who we are, I believe we become more empowered. Trying to live up to these unrealistic ideals of what someone else thinks we should look like,  is a waste of time and energy we could use elsewhere.  I recently, read an article about the actress Gabby Sidibe and she talks about being ridiculed for loosing too much weight. Really? She looses weight and she looses too much, but she was also too fat…..see what I’m getting at? We can’t fucking win.  It has been stories like these along with others that have made me take a step back and reevaluate the relationship I have with my body.

As I have grown older, birthing two beautiful babies and three major abdominal surgeries and sometimes not the best choices of food (life is too short..eat the cake or have the glass of wine, in moderation) my body is certainly not what it used to be. I struggle everyday to make the right food choices and make sure I get some type of exercise, that is why, I decided to join Weight Watchers, I wanted to change my eating and be more mindful of what and how much goes in my body. What I like about this program, is that I’m not starving myself….if you have seen me hungry that shit is not good for anybody, so mamas gotta eat.  By doing this program and adding an exercise regime (thanks to my life coach) to my schedule I’m slowly starting to have a better relationship with my body. In the more recent years I have struggled with self acceptance. Funny enough, I think I have struggled more with this now, than when I was in middle and high school. It seemed back then, I didn’t have the self-doubt that I have now.

 As of recent I put too much energy in trying to live up to a standard that was not meant  for me.  I became too wrapped up in wanting to look like someone else or wishing that my body was different.  We were all created different for a reason, how boring would it be if all looked the same and strived to look like the next girl. Booorring. Trust me ladies, I know it is hard to not get caught up in the beauty and weight rat race, but it is much better for our mental state to just be as healthy as we can and embrace what God gave us, there is a reason he made us all different shapes, sizes, and shades and we are ALL BEAUTIFUL.

Model Ashley Graham and actress Dacha Polanco (who plays; Dayanara Diaz on Orange is the New Black) have been true inspirations for me starting embrace my changed body and they way I view my beauty.  Deciding to follow these two women on Instagram has been one of the best things I could have done to boost my confidence.  Ashley Graham, #slays all the time. Her confidence, style and presence have showed me that we can all be beautiful and not be a size 2. Dacha always posts these beautiful photos of her embracing who she is, I find this kind of confidence a breath of fresh air and contagious.

The moral of this story is, love you and all of you, mind, body & soul. Do things that make you feel good, do things that make you feel pretty, sexy,  and work on being the healthiest version of you and everything else will fall into place.

Please join the conversation ladies or even men. Let me know in the comments your views/struggles with you loving your body or anything else you want to share!

Review: You Can’t Touch My Hair: And Other Things I Still Have to Explain

You Can't Touch My Hair: And Other Things I Still Have to Explain You Can’t Touch My Hair: And Other Things I Still Have to Explain by Phoebe Robinson
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

This book had me intrigued the moment I read the title. As that statement….”you can’t touch my hair” has been stated by just about every African American women in the world. I liked a few things about this, amusing and thought-provoking collection of essays. To be a black women in American means, you have to contend with old prejudices, crazy stereotypes and other absurdities. Phoebe uses her wit to examine our cultural climate and she does this with humor and great character. My suggestion is to listen to this book, as she is the narrator and pulls you in from the very first page.

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Review: The Sweet Spot

The Sweet Spot The Sweet Spot by Stephanie Evanovich
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

Currently, I’m on a light read kick and this book was a refreshing read! I enjoy that the characters are likable and sassy. I also like that her stories are not conventional, meaning the super hot professional baseball player falls hard for the average women….who actually has substance and meat on her bones. Of course there are bumps in the road as any relationship…it can’t all be magic. But, if you are looking for a light, enjoyable, feel-good read, I definitely recommend this book

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Why we need to talk about 13 Reasons Why

Wow. I just finished watching 13 reasons why on Netflix which is based on the book written by Jay Asher. I read the book back in 2013 and was floored by how exceptional it was. So, when I found out Netflix was bringing it to life in movie form, I knew it was on the top of my list to watch immediately.

Image result for 13 reasons why season

I know there are a lot of opinions about this series and whether or not it glamorizes suicide and it not bringing to light mental health issues.  However, that was not my take away after watching.  I think every parent and teen need to watch this series.  I must say, this series was so good my husband and I watched three episodes a night as this story draws you in from the first episode. My husband didn’t read the book, and he was hooked after the first episode as well. This is the story of a high school girl who decides to end her life, I’m pleased this particular book was made into a movie series, as this is a story that needs to be told. Mental illness, rape culture and suicide is something that has become all too familiar  and I believe it’s always necessary to bring awareness to issues that, either we have struggled with or someone that we know my have struggled with. I agree that mental illness should have been brought to the forefront, my hope is that the second season will touch on this.  The series provides a very real and dark reality into a lot of what teens are going through in high school and how cruel and fucked up kids can be to one another.  At this age, I contemplate if teens fully understand what mental illness is and where to turn for guidance. According to the Center for Disease Control, suicide is the third leading cause of death for teens and that roughly 16 percent reported seriously considering suicide. This statistic is unsettling and quite alarming if you ask me and the stats on rape are even worse, according to TeenHelp.com roughly 44 percent of rape victims are below the age of 18 and almost 92 percent of all teen rape victims know their attackers. Our children are being raped, bullied, slut shamed, contemplate suicide and feel so hopeless they go through with the act should not be the norm, but sadly it is. I know for many people the subject of suicide, mental health and rape are taboo subjects and we would rather not discuss this reality, however it just might be the conversation that needs to be had. This series has created a conversation around these tough issues and we all may not agree, that is clear with the backlash this movie has received. I still view this as a win, because we are at the very least talking about it. I dislike how this country always tends to shy away from the heavy conversations and want to sweep shit under the rug, these stats don’t lie, as parents, educators, friends, family we must wake-up and pay attention to what is going on with our children and ask the tough questions, talk and simply be there for our children so they do not become another statistic.

 Related Articles:

’13 Reasons Why’ is affecting America’s classrooms. 
Teachers tell their stories

‘13 Reasons Why’ Is a Huge Success, and an Even Bigger Source of Controversy




Review: Year of Yes: How to Dance It Out, Stand In the Sun and Be Your Own Person

Year of Yes: How to Dance It Out, Stand In the Sun and Be Your Own Person Year of Yes: How to Dance It Out, Stand In the Sun and Be Your Own Person by Shonda Rhimes
My rating: 5 of 5 stars

I have got three words: READ THIS BOOK!! This book is for any and everyone who at some point did not believe in themselves or talked themselves out of doing something they wanted to do, but was to afraid. Shonda’s witty and quirky sense of humor added a realness to the novel that I was not expecting. As I listened on audio (which was read by Shonda), I found myself nodding my head in agreement most the time. As I had found myself in similar situations or I agreed with what she was saying. Once I finished this book, I felt as though, there was not anything I could not accomplish…as long as I took a chance on myself and said YES!

P.S. I recommend listening, as I think you will get more out of it, and feel more compelled to start your own..year of yes, I know I did!

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My Struggle with Postpartum Depression…yes, black women struggle with it as well

Recently, model, TV show personality and wife to John Legend, Chrissy Teigen revealed that she suffered from Postpartum Depression. After reading her story in Glamour magazine, I felt compelled to share my struggle with the disease.  According to the Center for Disease Control, 1 in 8 women suffer from this, although this number was shocking, I was not surprised. Rewind to 8 years ago, when I brought my sweet baby-girl Reese home from the hospital, I was excited to be a mom, but there was also a sadness, I could not explain. My husband had taken off some time from work to be with Reese and I, I enjoyed this time while he was at home with us.

However, once my husband went back to work, the sadness, and anxiety set in. I had no energy to do anything but take care of Reese, (in hindsight, I’m blessed for this) I planted myself on the couch and would just watch her sleep. I would  just sit there and think about, how much my life had changed, will I be a good mother, the responsibility of taking care of another person, will I ever be attractive again,  with all these thoughts, the anxiety was suffocating to say the least. I vividly remember a situation where I lost it, sadly in front of company. I fed Reese before people arrived, so she would be nice and full for visits. Well, that didn’t do the trick like I thought, she was crying uncontrollably and I  had no idea what could have been wrong (new mom shit) of course, my mother-in-law gave her a bottle (BAM…that was what she wanted). By this time I felt like everything was closing in as we had, had visitors all day.  Of course by this time, other friends had come over and I was done and basically had a melt down in front of everyone. For days, I felt horrible about this and had no idea what was going on with me. The sadness and anxiety lasted for about 2-3 months, until I was sitting in our tiny apartment with the blinds closed all dark and gloomy.  In that moment I made the decision  to tackle my issue, I got off the couch opened the blinds put on music that reminded me of when my husband and I first started dating, (when I felt attractive) and started to take my life back. I cooked dinner, cleaned our apartment, took a shower and tried to start getting back into the swing of things.  I was still unaware, that I might be struggling with postpartum depression and looking back,  it was also hard to admit that was my issue, because I had always thought that only happens when you are really crazy like Susan Smith, the crazy lady who drowned her own children and blamed it on someone else. Sadly, I think this is the feeling of a lot of women….”this could never be me”. However, I have come to realize that recognizing your issue is half the battle.

 Forward 8 years… with my second child, I knew immediately what I was going through, and was more open about it this time around. Looking back, I think being honest and truthful with what I was going through helped me deal with it a little more gracefully this time around. After my son was born, I was able to recognize the feelings and allowed myself to go through it and not judge myself this time around. The fact that, I was able to say, ” I have postpartum depression” made it much easier to deal with. My struggle this time around was not as dark and daunting as last time. I had some sad and anxiety ridden moments,  but I was able to work through those because, this was familiar to me and I knew I had to be there for two children this time around instead of one. My advice for anyone dealing with Postpartum depression, be honest with yourself, ask for help and seek help. You are not crazy, there is nothing wrong with you, becoming a mom for the first time is honestly probably the most overwhelming thing you will do and you will need help at some point, and that is okay.

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